Hi, my name is Emily, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
All together now! "HI EMILY!"
Ok, so that's not entirely true.
I know I want to be a teacher, and I am positive I want to spend my life with Jonathan,
but I'm not sure about anything else with regards to my life.
When we first started dating, Jonathan talked as if he was going to make a career out of the Coast Guard.
But lately he is saying he wants to "GTFO" as soon as he can.
Now there are a few factors that I think are contributing to this, his current living situation, and the distance in our relationship.
He agrees with both, so he is trying to work on the idea of just holding out till I move to Kansas,
and deciding what he would like to do after about 5 months of me being there.
I really do think it will make a huge difference.
The thing is, I don't know how to feel about this change in attitude.
I spent the last 2 years talking myself into a military life.
I've found so many positives, about 95% of them involving the green stuff.
This sudden shift is actually much more scary than I thought it would be.
See, I've gotten used to the idea that no matter what, we would have an income.
We will make more money just because we are married.
We will make more money just because we have kids.
Our kids will have more help then just what we provide to go to college.
I've gotten pretty used to expecting that, and now that it's possibly going away, I don't know what to think.
See part of the problem is I have no idea what it is like, none of it.
I don't know what the Coastie life is like, not really.
I don't know what it is like to be that far away from my family.
I don't know what teaching is really like.
I don't know what having kids is like.
I don't know what having kids and a full time job teaching is like.
Heck, I don't even know what it's like to really be with Jonathan
90% of our over 2 year relationship has been spent 2,000 miles apart.
Having all these questions unanswered is terrifying, especially for me.
I hate the unknown.
Do any of you have any opinions, or insight?