Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Thespian at Heart

For those of you who don't know, 
My aunts take my sister and I to Ashland every summer 
for the Shakespeare festival

(no, I did not take this photo, that's not allowed lol!)

It is one of my favorite summer events
Everything about it is incredible
This year we saw
"August: Osage County" 
"Pirates of Penzance"
and "Love's Labour's Lost"
They were each wonderful in their own way
I have to say this year the best one was "Pirates" 
Though nothing will beat last year's "Hamlet"

Then there is Lithia Park
It is one of the most beautiful parks ever
It is filled with all kinds of paths
All varieties of flowers 
The most beautiful streams ever
\And duck ponds complete with turtles and ducks!

Then there's the food
All the food is amazing
Every year we hit up the same four places while on our trip
The Brewery
and Martino's
Then of course there is the ice cream 
we always get after the plays
This year was a sad food year for me
As I chose to stick to my diet. 
I ate a whole lot of salad 
and only indulged in the ice cream once.
It payed off though, it's looking like I didn't gain weight!
(I need to weigh myself tomorrow morning to be sure
but as of this evening's weigh in I was up just .8 lbs
which is what I normally am at the end of the day)

This year the trip also included a second park walk
It was one that had all sorts of gardens
Each garden attracted a different animal 
or taught something new
One we went in was all about birds. 
They even had a model birds nest for kids to play in
Naturally I had a go. 
There was also a lovely boulder for climbing in the park
I took it on. 
Aaron Ralston would have been proud.

It is always a sad day when the trip is over
It is such a fun trip, 
not just because of the food
the parks, or even the plays
but because it is one of the few times a year I get to see my aunts
and now that I am officially moved away from home
few times I get to see my sister
Overall it was an incredible trip, as always

(This is the first picture of myself that I actually like!
I saw it and thought "Dang I look good! I look little!"
I'll be posting a blog dealing with the subject of my confidence soon)

Monday, June 6, 2011

Birthday Blasphemy?

So my big 2-1 is 9 days away
One of my friends asked me how I was celebrating
I told her I was going to Melting Pot in July with the fam
(We're waiting till July because I want to be with Curly when I celebrate)
She found it amazing that I'm not doing anything on the day
Or anything with my friends or a party
She asked why and I didn't really know what to tell her

The truth is that I just don't feel like celebrating 
Not till Curly lands and is in my arms will I feel like having a celebration
Not to mention the fact that I can't afford to celebrate
100% of my money is going to having fun with Curly in July, 
Other than rent, bills, and gas I'm not buying a thing
(I haven't gone grocery shopping in 4 weeks, and won't be going till he is here)
If I'm not spending my money on food
There is no way I'm spending it on alcohol.
(trust me, as an ex-chunkster, I'd take food over alcohol any day)
 Is this Birthday blasphemy??

Friday, June 3, 2011

Phillip: My Stuffed Prince

Since my human best friend left 9 months ago (Jonathan)
my best friend has become a stuffed bunny from Build A Bear. 

(Yes, I do go out in public with no make up on. 
I find that when I'm not with J. I don't give a crap how I look)

I figured that I have enough blogs about Jonathan
About human friends, family, and other loved ones
It's time I give the bunny that's gotten me through the distance some credit. 
Does that make me pathetic, childlike and a weirdo?
But I figure I wanna be a kindergarden teacher, 
It's good that I hold onto some of those childish habits.

Back to the bunny. His name is Philip
Jonathan and I made him together when we were in Disneyland 
Jonathan named him after Prince Philip who is my favorite prince. 
(He is the one from sleeping beauty for you Disney noobs)

Philip is a special bunny, 
not just because he was made with love
and stuffed to perfection,
but because he has three hearts. 
Yes you heard me right, my mutant bunny has three hearts. 
One heart wished on and brought to life from me
One heart wished on and brought to life from Jonathan
And one heart that is electronic and beats
because my favorite thing to do is just lay next to Jonathan
and listen to his heart beat 
(it beats loud! Lemme tell ya!)

Philip has become my constant sleep companion 
I don't go any where with out him if I know I will be sleeping
He is the first thing I've had sense I was little, 
That I hold through the entire night
even after falling asleep. 
The few times I let him go, 
I wake up in a panic a few minutes later. 

Philip has this amazing hugging ability
When ever I need a hug from Jonathan, Philip is right there. 
He also has that electronic heart, 
That manages to beat even when I don't press the button 
it's always when I am missing Jonathan most. 
Best of all about Philip, he even smells like Jonathan
For Christmas Jonathan bought me a bottle of the cologne he uses
So I can spray it on Phillip and get a nice little scent of Jonathan

 (Phillip traveled with me to see Jonathan both times!) 

 Over all Philip has been one of the best purchases I've ever made
He has gotten me through many lonely nights
and dried countless tears. 
I love you Philip!!
(fun fact: Philip has a sister, Lucy, who lives with Jonathan)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Do I Really Deserve All This??

I've been feeling more and more guilty lately. 
It drives me insane that I am keeping Curly from seeing his family. 
You can be sweet all you want and try to say "That's not true" 
But it is true, plain and simple
He is not going to see home or his family for at least 9 months total
And it is all because of me. 

That is the rough thing about not being from the same place as him.
I met him it was because he was stationed here, not because we're both from here.
That means he has to choose between me and his family. 

I'm not complaining, I am stoked that he chose me, 
Because it means I get to spend time with him,
without the military taking him away every weekday like it has for the last year
But I feel guilty too because it means he doesn't get to see 
his mom, dad, or sister most likely till Christmas
Which means by the time he sees his home, it will have been a year sense he'd been there last.

I don't know why but the last few weeks it's just been getting to me. 
Today it really got to me because my friend, 
who was trying to make me feel better about something else
said to me through text "Well at least he gets to go home soon." 
I know she didn't mean anything by it, 
but it was like a slap in the face. 
Because he could be going home soon if it weren't for me

Curly was really sweet when I expressed my guilt to him
He said that he signed up for this, 
and that I am his family now too. 
I just can't help but think how I would feel. 
I was going crazy dying to see my mom when she came up
and it had only been 4 months. 

I have to wonder, do I really deserve this?
Do I really deserve to have precious leave time 
spent on me rather than family, who have been by his side all his life. 
The answer is clear to me, no. I don't. I couldn't possibly. 
He seems to think so though. 

I'll just say this to his mom, dad, and sister
if you guys happen to read this, 
Thank you all so much. 
Thank you for sharing your son and brother with me, 
and for not hating me for taking him away from you.

On a lighter side just 4 weeks and 2 hours 
from the moment I'm typing this
I will be in the airport waiting for Curly to land ^_^
(pretty sure I just had a heart attack

(we got to skype while I was writing this! Yayyy!!!!)

Cuz He's The Reason For The Tear Drops On My... Pillow?

Yup, it was one of those nights. 
Those nights where I just break down

I get so sic of those nights. 
They don't happen often
But when they do they leave a girl feelin like crap
Especially when the only person she wants to talk to about it
The only person who can make her feel better,
Can't talk. 

There was once a time where I loved the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve 
A time when I loved that when I was sad, I could just shut my door and let it out
I loved that when I was happy the entire world knew it. 
When I was mad, much like my mom, you knew to head for the hills. 
But now I absolutely hate it
I hate that I'm not as strong as him. 
I hate that the distance gets to me. 
I hate that I complain about it as much as I feel like I do. 
I hate that I am not as thankful as I should be. 

That's really what it comes down to. 
I should be thankful
Tonight I was upset because the last three weeks, 
Curly and I haven't gotten to talk much, 
It's been taking its toll on me the last few days. 
I feel like I should feel lucky just for the fact that we've gotten to talk at all
even if it's not as much as I would like it to be. 
I should feel lucky just for the fact that he is in my life. 
I should feel lucky that he saw me that night, 
and instantly knew that we were meant to be together
and never gave up on me no matter how shy I was. 

The most important thing is that I know he is worth it
Even when I'm feeling all crummy he is so worth it. 
He is worth every day of heart ache, 
every tear that falls 
and every moment of frustration with the world. 
I love him with all my heart. 

(Pic of Curly and I from a mall photo booth)

"A regular kiss just isn't good enough for how I feel about you right now...
I wish I could kiss your heart." - Curly