I was supposed to be with him 40 minutes ago.

Ok, so this is the current saga in the life of Emily. 

I had to get it out some how, 

I already talked the ear off of the one friend available to listen who would get it, 

so I am resorting to talking to no one, and posting a blog. 

I was supposed to be with Jonathan 40 minutes ago.

Very long, very confusing story short, 

the air line messed up and he didn't have a seat on the plane, 

he showed up right on time, rather than early, 

so by the time they figured out what was going on, 

it was too late to get him onto the plane that would get him here at 9pm

(something I was very excited about, OUR FIRST DECENT FLIGHT TIME EVER)

So, they gave him the flight that would get him out here the soonest, 

one that would get him here at midnight. 

Now I was pretty pissed by this point, 

at the air line, at the military, at the world really. 

The icing on the cake, 

his layover in Denver was 30 minutes. 

He had to get from one end of the airport 

to the other, in 30 minutes. 

Needless to say he didn't make the flight. 

So now he is in a huge line, 

waiting to see if he can get another flight out of there, 

one that he said "won't be any time soon." 

and I get to sit here in my empty house 

waiting to here what time I should be in the city to pick him up.

Have I mentioned how much I hate:

air lines, 

the military, 

distance,

with my entire being lately? 

Cuz if not, I totally do.

It's The Final Count Down

I will be with Jonathan in just over 2 days. 

This feeling is terrible, 

the last five days or so have been worse than the last 7 months

That's a total lie

 But they have been terrible.

For those of you who have never done this, 

the excitement hits in bults 

These terrible, sudden, huge shock waves of realization. 

They come so suddenly, 

because if you let yourself feel them all the time, 

you would drive yourself and every one around you insane. 

So you shove those thoughts back down 

as soon as you're strong enough to over power them again.

Last Wednesday, when I realized how close the day was getting, 

I had one of those shock waves. 

I got so excited it hurt. 

Not even kidding. 

You know that feeling you get when you've eaten too much sugar, 

where your heart feels like a humming bird trying to get out of your chest, 

and you're trying to decide if you should call 911 or not, 

yeah, that happened for an hour. 

I literally was almost in tears because I wanted it to stop so bad. 

Who knew it was possible to get that excited?! 

The last few days I've been angry for some reason. 

I just feel really irritated. 

I'm sic of waiting. 

I'm sic of being away from him.

I'm dying to be done with this crap.

I'm crazy jealous of basically every person in the world, 

(all the people who actually are with their significant other) 

I'm annoyed when any one who is with their love tries to complain about anything, 

even if it is a legitimate complaint. 

The good news is that I have had plenty of distraction through my family and friends, 
and it didn't end with Christmas! 
My family and I will be traveling tomorrow, 

and then Friday we will be at the beach, 

where I plan to sleep in as late as I can 

(Gotta use up as much day as possible, right?) 

then run around on the beach, 

then start the trip to Rohnert Park before I go pick up Jonathan from SFO. 

OMG.... I'm going to be picking up Jonathan!

(There goes another shock wave) 

Love, love, love

Talking to Jonathan about a TV he wanted to buy:
Him: "Yeah, it was tempting but then I was like 

'I'm not marrying a TV, 

I got priorities'"

Me: "hahaha Jonathan, just get what you want, 

we're no where near that step any way." 

Him: "Yeah but I wanna get a TV with you, 

I wanna get dishes with you, 

I wanna get matching towels with you, 

I wanna paint with you, 

and cook with you, 

I wanna get everything with you."

I'm so in love with that man. 

Isn't it amazing, 

how I can be surrounded by family, 

filled with more love than ever for my family, 

and yet still feel painfully alone. 

Next year I'll finally get to spend Thanks Giving with Jonathan,

and it will have only taken us three Thanks Givings to get one together!

Also, just one month and four days till we are together again, 

but who's counting?

What Ever, I Had it Worse Than You!

Woah! Blogging? What is that??
Uh yeah, about the fact that I haven't been on here. 

Cred Program kills. 

Mondays I have a 12 hour day of classes/library/home work

Tuesdays I have 8 hours of elementary school then usually 4-5 hours of science work

Wednesdays I have 8 hours of elementary school, 

then just enough time to get to campus for 3 hours of class. 

Thursdays I have 3 hours of class and then laundry/cleaning/home work. 

Weekends are spent working a total of 12 hours usually 

(not bad at all I'm not about to pretend it is)

and then doing about 15 hours of home work 

and attempting to have a day of rest/friends some where in there.

Uh yeah, pretty sure I've never been this busy

and pretty sure I never will be again, 

even when I'm teaching full time AND a mom, 

I don't think it will compare to this.

Well I hope it won't compare to this, 

for my own sanity.   

All this means Jonathan and I usually don't talk 

and when we do it is for five minutes

while I am driving to class or home before starting on home work. 

fun crap. NOT. 

Any way, I just had to get some stuff I've noticed out there, 

I need to vent to people who get me!

Hence this blog.

1. People who aren't in a long distance relationship, 

tend to talk about them like it is a choice. 

Which to an extent, it is, 

but I gotta say, I chose Jonathan, not 2,000 miles

It kinda drives me insane when they try to point out that I chose this. 

2. People who have done distance 

 tend to like to tell you why you have it so much easier than they do/did, 

rather than bonding over the fact that you both are in a crappy situation. 

Either they saw their partner less than you did, 

or talked to their partner less than they assume you do, 

or they blew up their left thumb attempting to text their partner,

 It's always something.

(pretty sure almost every long distanc-er I know has done that to me) 

3. The military sucks, 

they let people in charge of dishing out leave, 

go on leave and then don't have a way to dish it out. 

This results in you having to wait for approval 

and tickets going up by $180 bucks, 

something you can't afford, gonna be fun figuring that one out.

(3.2 The long distanc-ers I was talking about earlier

are probably thinking about how they had it worse right now.)

4. Pretty sure teaching is one of the hardest, 

most complicated, 

and least recognized jobs out there. 

It's insane now that I am learning about it all, 

how miss-informed the public is about education, 

and how the education system works, 

yet they think they know 

and think they know what is to blame, teachers, 

which for the most part, is entirely inaccurate.

5. Nothing makes me happier after a long day

than "Hawiian Roller Coaster Ride" from Lilo and Stitch

Sorry this blog has no pretty pictures,
or my usual colorful words.
I wrote it in my home work break,
now I have to get back to my paper about Special Education.
YAYYYYY! 

Basically I'm Winning An Oscar.

Yes, you read that title right. 

I am winning an Oscar. 

That or I was nominated for a Leibster Award

by Vanessa at Pure Joy and Adoration. 

Um, what?? 

Let me just tell you, 

I got pathetically excited about this. 

It sounds like the best award any one could get. 

Leibster in German means 

"Sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved..." 

all kinds of wonderful things! 

Who wouldn't be honored to be thought of as all that?? 

It goes to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, and deserve more! 

So heres the 411 on the award. 

~Each person must post 11 things about themselves

~Answer the questions the tagger set for you

~Create 11 questions for the people you've tagged to answer

~Choose 11 people to tag in your post

~Go to their page and let them know! 

11 Things about me

1. I just started the teaching credential program Tuesday, and my class is in 1st grade. 

2. I get weirded out each time I hear kids call me "Teacher" or "Miss. Phillips" 

3. I spent $55 on Tea today. (Ummm yeah... thats what having Teavana move into town will do to you) 

4. Growing up I had a cat called "Scaredy Cat" who was scared of her own shadow. 

5. Growing up I also had a hamster named Oreo who got a weird disease that made her go bald. <3 

6. While I write this I'm watching Freaky Friday "You're ruining my life-aaa!!!" 

7. I'm also watching my room mate/best friend, Jenah hunt a fly around her room

8. I'm currently obsessed with the show Smash

9. I had a dream Jonathan proposed to me with a terrible ring (not that I care that much but it was bright pink and green metal, and the diamonds were a terrible blue and green uh... yeah.) and wasn't even there for the proposal. He sent me a youtube video that he found and that was it. 

10. I called him the second I woke up and told him that he better be there when he proposes to me. 

11. Pinterest has kinda become my life 

Answers to Vanessa's Questions: 

1. What movie could you watch over and over, and why? 

That's a tough one. I'm one of those girls who LOVES to find a good movie, and watch the crap out of it (White Christmas happens at least twice every December) I'm gonna have to say The Holiday, because I will watch that movie no matter what time of year it is. I just love it! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Plus I mean come on, Jude Law, how can I say no? 

2. What's your ideal date night? 

This is gonna sound cheesy and pathetic, but honestly any date night is ideal for me. I really don't have a dream date because my guy is so far away. Any night with him is a dream come true. <3 

3. When do you feel the most beautiful? 

Right after I've gone to the gym. I don't care that I am covered in sweat, or that my face is bright red. I know that I've just worked towards getting healthier and nothing is sexier or more beautiful then that! 

4. What is your most favorite piece of clothing you own? 

I don't think I could pin it down to one piece. I do love slouchy sweaters and layering. I'm a Fall fashion kinda girl. 

5. What is your favorite Scripture? 

That's hard. I'm bad at staying connected to God sense I started school. (TERRIBLE excuse, I know) but I would have to say my favorite thing the Bible taught me growing up is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" My mom and dad explained that to me when I was very young and it just did something to me. Ever sense them, no matter how a person treats me, I always do my best to treat them with respect. 

6. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so what are you thinking of for this year? 

I haven't dressed up in the past few years. I did for work last year but that was it. This year is different. I am renting a house which means there are kids near by, hello trick or treaters!!! PLUS I'll be working in my 1st grade class on Halloween, so I have to dress up for that along with work. I'm beyond excited! I'm thinking of being a fairy or a ghost cuz they would both be easy to make.

7. Who would you consider an awesome female role model in your life? 

Honestly? My mom. She is the most loving and giving person I will ever meet and I'll be over the moon if I'm even half the woman she is. 

8. What's your favorite food? 

OOOH That's a tough one! I am a food fan, a huge food fan. I honestly don't think I could pick one. I love pizza, I love pasta, I love artichokes, I love all fruit, I love peppers, I love sammiches the list goes on and on. 

9. What is one thing you love about yourself? 

Hmmm Well I love/hate how emotional I am. I love it because it means I love with all that I am, I care about people to the point that sometimes it hurts. I hate it because this tends to mean that I often care about people more than they care about me, which isn't to say that they don't care, they just aren't crazy lovers like I am. That can really suck at time

10. Early Bird or Night Owl? 

Unfortunately night owl. I say unfortunately because I need to become an early bird for the credential program. 

11. What is one goal you have set for your future? 

The biggest goal I have lately is to be a good person and to be happy. I don't care what I do or who I spend my time with, as long as I am happy. 

My 11 Questions 

1. What is the most money you spent on something silly? (like tea) 

2. What is the weirdest dream you've ever had? 

3. What movie are you most excited to see this fall? 

4. Do you have any holiday traditions that you do every year? 

5. What is your favorite time of year? 

6. What is your drink of choice? 

7. What are you most scared of? 

8. What is one thing you can't live with out? 

9. What do you miss the most about being a kid? 

10. What is your dream vacation? 

11. What is your favorite kind of food? 

My Nominees: 

Jessica @ My Baby Birds

Krista @ Life Is The Messy Bits

Hannah @ Miss Pinches

Nora @ Ramblings of the Ribble Family

Kirsten @ K & R

Lindsay @ Life of Chase

Janee @ The Longer The Wait, The Sweeter The Kiss

Mrs. D @ Life As A Dixon

Allison @ Keep Calm and Soldier On

Paige @ Eloping Stethoscope

Kiersten @ To Love And Dogs

Have fun wonderful ladies! 

Post a link to your Leibster blog with all you answers below! 

I'm so excited to hear what your answers are. <3

A Is For Awesome

Today was "A-Day!" 

If you're wondering what on earth I'm talking about, 

read this blog and it will explain everything. 

The day was a strange mixture of a success yet, a touch of fail. 

The fail came by the fact that I randomly got sic, 

and by sic I mean barfed four times. 

Uh yeah, not fun. 

But on to the success of the day! 

I woke up and started the day by going to the gym

I partook in Aerobics, worked my Abs and my A$$. 

Then I made my way home so I could shower and get ready for 

the Apple Fair. 

yes that's right, we have an annual apple fair. 

Perfect timing right? 

I went to the fair and after getting sic, and feeling much better

I had some Alcohol in the form of Ace, Apple Cider

I walked around the Art exhibit. 

I bought some Apples, and then made my way home.

Once home I made some home made Apple Sauce 

while watching Atonement. 

I always forget how amazing that movie is. 

After that I went to dinner and ate some Appetizers

Now I am going to join my room mate, Aaron for a hangout sesh before bed.

That brings my total points to 13. 

Not bad for my first letter themed day. 

Notes To Freshman Emily

~Don't worry about your weight, 

you'll loose it in about a year and a half, 

and even if you don't love your curves the way they should be loved! 

 (Before)

(after)

~Find healthy foods you like, not just junk

~ Don't be scared to try new things, that's what college is all about. 

~Audition for the musical, 

who cares if you "can't" sing? 

You love it, and that's all that matters. 

~Don't be afraid to meet new people, they won't bite. 

~Don't let people take advantage of you, be smart, 

if it feels like they are taking advantage, then they are.

~Go to class no matter the allure of skipping

~PLEASE join clubs on the first day, 

I know you're overwhelmed, 

I know you're scared, 

but trust me, it will make meeting people easier

~Don't hang out with the same people you knew before college all the time. 

I know that seems tempting because they are your best friends, 

but again, if you branch out you'll meet new people. 

~Talk during class, make friends with the people around you

~Sign up for the adventures offered through SSU, 

even though some of them sound lame, 

take advantage while you have the chance.

~Go to class, even on the super sunny days when no one else does

~Dress for your body, find clothes that make you feel like a million bucks

~Don't make new friends and spend the entire time 

scared they will wake up one day 

and realize you are pathetic and ditch you. 

Know you're worth it.

~Don't spend time with people who make you feel worse about yourself.

~Don't waist time on people who don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated

~Go to class no matter what fun thing is calling you.

~Utilize the library. 

I know it seems like it's no different than studying alone in your room, 

but something magical happens at the library, 

and you will get s*** done. 

~Don't get sic of the caff food, 

believe it or not there will be a day you'll miss it 

and will pay $9 to go in and get it again.

~Go to class every day, 

because how good will it feel when you can say

"I didn't miss a single class" 

(Something unheard of at SSU)

The most important thing I would tell my 18 year old,
freshman year self is,
to go to class, 
and gain self confidence. 
If I had done those things,
my entire year would have been different,
heck, my entire college experience would be. 

It's Ok Thursday

I had so much fun doing last weeks "It's Ok Thursday" that I decided to do it again! 

~It's ok that I am as proud as I am of this picture I got at our Safari camp. 

It is a cool picture after all. 

~It's ok that I get defensive every time I see the words 

I, Love, and Boy Meets World 

on any blog/status/profile. 

After all, I have watched the entire series at least 11 times

and I laugh before each joke because I know it's coming, 

so it is essentially my show

MINE I TELL YOU MINE! 

(uh...yeah, I've got a problem) 

(my set of BMS DVDs, 

always kept right there next to the player so they are ready to go.)

~It's ok that I am this excited about work this week, 

after all it is ceramic camp,

 and I get to drive one of the massive cars full of kids to our location.

~It's ok that I'm kinda scared to drive one of those massive cars... right? 

It just means I'm being safe and I'm aware that there are mini lives in my hands.

~It's ok that this picture makes me laugh as hard as it does.
(and that this is my millionth time looking at it)

~It's ok that I kinda want to murder my room mate right now.
He did just run into my room, slap my foot, and fart on my bed.
Not to mention I've known him sense we were born,
(our moms even went to preschool together!) 

which means he is like my brother,
my brother who I want to poison via arsenic in his pop tart.

~It's ok that I got as excited to talk to Jonathan last night as I did.
We hadn't talked in a little while and I was starting to miss that boy.

 

~It's ok that the same room mate mentioned above,
 and I watch Charmed all-the-time
because we mostly like to make fun of it.
Stupid Pheoby and her lack of bra
(also, we like to call Prue, Poo
and say they finally flushed her when she died,
we're supes mature)

So, do you have a show that you feel as possessive about as I do?
What kind of things are you reminding yourself "it's ok" this week?

Cat, Run, Time

These things crack me up. 

I always get the most awkward words. 

My friend who posted this got "Love, happiness and freedom" 

Pretty spiritual/inspirational/thoughtful right? 

This girl got "Cat, Run, Time" 

I decided that means I want a cat who can run a mile in a decent time. 

WINNING! 

What words did you get?

#5 Done!

I finished # 5 on my 23 Before 23

I spent this week and weekend with my momma! 

It was so nice to hang out with her. 

I don't see her as much as I like, and knowing that I'm leaving in a year, 

makes our time to gather even more special. 

Realized at the last second that I didn't take any pictures while she was here, 

time for an impromptu photo before bed!

We started the week out visiting my Aunt in Berkley. 

We went out to lunch at a great burger place,

and my auntie bought me some cute sweaters as a late b-day gift.

I also got to meet her adorable kittens. 

I would have taken pictures but that would require putting them down. 

(woopse!) 

(Pic of my aunt and I at Ashland last year)

On Thursday my mom and I headed into Petaluma, 

and had another great lunch there, and got a mini pie for desert! 

It was sooooo good. 

Friday we went into Healdsburg. 

I am in love with that town. 

We got another great lunch at an upscale spanish place. 

And to top it off got gelato from the candy shop. 

One draw back, I found a bug in mine. 

Um, gross right? 

Saturday was my mom's spa day. 

Mayacama has an amazing spa,

and I've known that I had to take my mom for a long time. 

Well the time finally came! 

She got a body wrap/massage, and a facial. 

Then my boss treated us to lunch at Mayacama. 

WHAT?? 

We were feeling quite fancy. 

Saturday night we went to Johnny Garlic's 

Guy Fieri's restaurant. 

As always it was amazing! 

The portions were huge though, 

which is good for me cuz I love left overs! 

(Momma, "brother"/roomie, me, dinner at JG)

My dad came to pick her up Sunday, 

and we went out to my favorite pizza place. 

This pizza will change you life. No joke. 

It was such a fun few days, 

and while I was sad to see it end, 

I'm also happy to get back into my routine. 

Time To Learn Your A,B,Cs....

When I was in junior high my best friend, her mom, and I would all have what we called "P" days.
We would watch Pride and Prejudice
(yes, Jill and I were cool enough to be fans of that story at just 11 years old, 

we were book nerds even then) 

We would wear our Pajamas

We would get the Post

We would have Pizza

We would say Please

Just about anything we could think of 

that started with a P, we did it. 

I'm bringing that back! 

Every time I have a "lazy day" 

(little secret, long distancers hate lazy days, 

it gives them time to think, 

thinking when you're 2,000 miles away from the one you love, 

is never a good thing) 

Any way, every time I have a lazy day, 

I'm going to adopt a letter and do as many things with that letter as I can. 

Each item will count as a point,
and I will try to beat my last score each time I do a new letter. 

Bonus points if one of the things is something I've never done before. 

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

Amacama Adventures: Promotion Success!!

My boss came back Monday. 

The other morning she texted me and asked if I could call
or text her to talk about my schedule. 

I did her one better and swung by with my mom on our way to a near by town. 

(we had so much fun today! I'll update you about that when I tell about the entire trip!)

Any way, I walked in and hadn't realized how much I had missed her. 

It was so wonderful to see her bright beautiful smile again. 

(hahah best pic I could find to depict "beautiful smile")

She dove right in telling me how many compliments she has gotten about me. 

She has gotten good feedback from the Administrative Team, 

from parents, 

and possibly most importantly, 

my peers. 

See, I worked side by side with these amazing people for over a year. 

They are all my age. 

Up until this point we have always been equals. 

While I don't consider myself their superior in any way, 

It was my job while Denise was away to take the lead, and give direction when needed. 

(did NOT want this to be me!)

I was terrified about this transition. 

I didn't want to be too soft, and have us fall behind, 

but I didn't want to be too rough and over step my boundaries. 

I tried my best to find that balance, and to ask for feed back. 

I checked in with every one at different points, 

"Am I communicating well with you?

Is there anything I need to do better or different?" 

Turns out I did it all well! 

To top it all off my boss is staying on! 

See I got promoted to her assistant and trained in the Admin department

because she wasn't sure if she was going to quit or not. 

She missed it so much wile she was away she decided she will stay. 

The big guys at Mayacama told her that she could hire on a more permanent assistant, 

and without hesitation, she asked me to be that person! 

Needless to say I couldn't stop beaming for about two hours. 

I am so honored and proud for his permeant promotion. 

I don't know what I did to deserve this, 

but I am so thankful that I got the chance. 

(Yup, that's where I work, insane huh?)

(oh, and not to worry, 

my boss said she knows school comes first, 

and will work around my class and exam schedule

 and make sure I don't fall over dead at any point)

P.S.:
HAPPY U.S. COAST GUARD DAY!! 
So proud of all the Coasties out there.
This is one branch in the military that I personally feel is severely undervalued.
Most people don't even know they exist let alone the they are a part of the military.
While they may not go over seas, or (for the most part) be as at risk of being killed,
these men and women sacrifice a lot for our safety, just like our other soldiers.
and I am so proud to say that I am in love with one of them.

It's Ok!!

This Thursday I've decided that I need to remind myself that "It's Ok"

• It's ok that I am THIS excited to welcome my new subscribers! (Seriously, so glad I've met so many new people in the last few weeks! I went from 6 to 24, which to me feels like quite the following, so thank you all! Can't wait to continue to get to know you!!)  

• It's ok that I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with a few of you guys, because it's so nice to have a group of people to talk to who really get it. 

• It's ok that I am writing this right now while my mom is in town, because she is napping next to me. I think that still counts as bonding time, right?

• It's ok that I get a little jealous of people who never do long distance, or who do long distance shorter than I have and will continue to do. 

• It's ok that I get jealous of people who are engaged because they are actually together all the time, when they have still been dating for less time than Jonathan and I have. All this is despite the fact that Jonathan and I have talked, and want to wait a bit longer to get engaged to help avoid being another statistic, not at all to imply that all young/military relationships won't work out <3 (seriously... feels like this happens every day)

• It's ok that I'm not signed up for any classes right now, because as of Monday I will be signed up for all of them. 

• It's ok that I have not lost my stress weight from the last year yet, because once school starts again, so does my free gym membership. (gotta love the Rec. Center on campus!) 

• It's ok that this is my second blog today, it's not like this is the first time that's happened. 

• It's ok that I sent Jonathan this picture, and said "For when we see each other in five months and pee our pants form excitement." it's just one of my many charms that he (hopefully) loves about me. 

#5 In Progress!

I'll probably be MAI for the next few days.
That's because # 5 from my 23 Before 23 list is happening now!

I'm spending the week and weekend with my Mom! 

She came up with me for a weekend of fun,

we've got exploring Petaluma, a spa day, cooking, and lots of girl time all in the plan. 

I'll update you on all our adventures as soon as I can! 

Shallow Em

So today I was watching Shallow Hall and Jonathan called. 

(loooove when that man of mine calls!) 

Any way, I realized that the only reason I'm with him is because he is so hot. 

When I told him this he didn't seem to mind. 

Just call me Shallow Em

(PS. Thank you all for your responses to my last post.

You all made me feel so much better. 

I love knowing that I have this community on here that I can turn to. 

I'm feeling loads better after getting all that off my chest. 

You're all the best!! 

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!)

Well This Is New...

I'm at an entirely new point in the distance lull than I've ever been before. 

That is an annoyed, impatient, and slightly angry point. 

It may be because I've never gone over half a year without seeing Jonathan before, 

but no matter the reason it is not at all what I am used to. 

I am just so angry at the entire situation. 

I hate that I've never gotten a taste of a "normal relationship" 

Jonathan is the only guy I've ever dated. 

It has been hard this month because my room mates boyfriend has been living with us. 

I like him a lot, he is super sweet and really funny, so that's not the problem. 

But, it has kinda shown me what I've been missing for two years. 

That realization, has been rough. 

I'm no longer blissfully ignorant to what a "normal" relationship actually looks like.

I am angry that we've had to deal with it for this long. 

The first year was fine, it wasn't ideal, but it was fine. 

The second year was rough. 

The third year... it flat out sucks. 

I am starting to get annoyed with friends too, 

people who think they feel the same way I do. 

Some of them haven't done distance at all, 

some of them have done it less time total than I have, 

it doesn't matter, but some of the people I used to seek comfort from, 

I find myself getting frustrated with instead. 

That green monster is around as usual, 

but this time he is bigger and stronger than ever. 

I know you're not supposed to feed him and he'll go away, 

(feed him meaning, give into jealousy) 

but I find myself feeding him almost every day.  

After each of these things, 

I get frustrated with myself for acting that way. 

I get so mad and start beating myself up. 

I feel like a terrible, pathetic person.
I hate who I have turned into.
Every one always comments on how amazed they are at me,
how "well" I deal with the distance,
and I feel like I just wanna yell
"Don't you know how pathetic and weak I am???"

This just adds to the anger. 

Have any of you long distance-ers/military galls felt this way before? 

Or am I actually going insane? 

I'm starting to think I might be. 

(hopefully I don't go too insane, 

I want another chance to do this!!) 

23 Before 23

So I've been inspired by Hannah over at Miss Pinches to make a 23 before 23 list. 

This will have everything I want to do before I turn 23 on June 15, 2013 

Here I go! 

1.   Ride my bike from Rohnert Park to Bodega Bay

2.   Go on a roller coaster that flips upside down (preferably at Disneyland)

3.   See a sunrise and sunset on the same day

4.   Go to my grandma's cabin

5.   Spend an entire weekend with just my mom

6.   Go on a road trip to Kansas

7.   See something huge (like the giant yogurt cup in Boy Meets World!)

8.   Find and explore a new town

9.   Hike to the top of Armstrong National Forrest

10.  Get down to my goal weight (down 10 lbs)

11.   Sew something awesome

12.   Spend an entire day at the beach

13.   Make a cook book of tried and true meals found online

14.   Buy a pair of cowgirl boots

15.   Get a nice photo of myself

16.   Make something from scratch (craft, food, clothes, etc) 

17.   Adopt an animal of some kind

18.   Find the perfect little black dress

19.   Start Zumba again

20.  Have a cheese themed party

21.   Go on a night hike

22.   Make a snow angel 

23.   Sleep under the stars

What goals do you have for yourself this year? 

Just Call Me Picasso

I've had the painting bug lately.  

See, I'm not the best painter in the world, so I was quite proud of this baby. 

Do you notice that this one is multi demential? 

The tree has texture as does the sand. 

I was pretty impressed by that little fact. 

This one I just kinda threw together. 

I got stuck after drawing the sky, and had a completely white bottom half. 

What to do to take up lots of space?? 

Throw in some hills!! 

Jonathan decided that it's called 

"Jonathan's Anguish" 

because it is all dark and sad, but there is a ray of hope in the bright sun. 

The dark is the distance, the sun is it being over in a year. 

(gotta love that cheesy man of mine!) 

Obviously this one was birthed from the first one.

I can't decide which one is my favorite. 

I love the colors in this one, but the first one blends so much nicer.

The oranges and reds look awesome fading into one another.

(this one has a lot more pink and purple in it than shows up here, 

the hills for example, are made up completely of pinks and purples. 

I think it's much prettier in person than it shows up here)

I think I'd like to make a third one next with a night sky. 

One could be the sunrise, 

one could be the sunset, 

and then right in the middle could be the night. 

What do you guys think? 

Which one looks like a sunrise and which looks like a sunset to you?

I know which one I think looks like which time of day, 

but I wanna hear your thoughts!