Well This Is New...

I'm at an entirely new point in the distance lull than I've ever been before. 

That is an annoyed, impatient, and slightly angry point. 

It may be because I've never gone over half a year without seeing Jonathan before, 

but no matter the reason it is not at all what I am used to. 

I am just so angry at the entire situation. 

I hate that I've never gotten a taste of a "normal relationship" 

Jonathan is the only guy I've ever dated. 

It has been hard this month because my room mates boyfriend has been living with us. 

I like him a lot, he is super sweet and really funny, so that's not the problem. 

But, it has kinda shown me what I've been missing for two years. 

That realization, has been rough. 

I'm no longer blissfully ignorant to what a "normal" relationship actually looks like.

I am angry that we've had to deal with it for this long. 

The first year was fine, it wasn't ideal, but it was fine. 

The second year was rough. 

The third year... it flat out sucks. 

I am starting to get annoyed with friends too, 

people who think they feel the same way I do. 

Some of them haven't done distance at all, 

some of them have done it less time total than I have, 

it doesn't matter, but some of the people I used to seek comfort from, 

I find myself getting frustrated with instead. 

That green monster is around as usual, 

but this time he is bigger and stronger than ever. 

I know you're not supposed to feed him and he'll go away, 

(feed him meaning, give into jealousy) 

but I find myself feeding him almost every day.  

After each of these things, 

I get frustrated with myself for acting that way. 

I get so mad and start beating myself up. 

I feel like a terrible, pathetic person.
I hate who I have turned into.
Every one always comments on how amazed they are at me,
how "well" I deal with the distance,
and I feel like I just wanna yell
"Don't you know how pathetic and weak I am???"

This just adds to the anger. 

Have any of you long distance-ers/military galls felt this way before? 

Or am I actually going insane? 

I'm starting to think I might be. 

(hopefully I don't go too insane, 

I want another chance to do this!!)