I am beautiful?

 

Confidence. 

It is something every one struggles with. 

Boys and girls alike. 

(though if they have the same amount 

of pressure to look a certain way 

is a whole different story, 

for a whole different blog) 

I've been working towards improving my confidence

for over 3 years now. 

The first step was loosing weight. 

Which I did. 

The second step was accepting my body type

Which I did. 

Until I didn't any more. 

The third step was loosing more weight

Which I did. 

Till it became difficult. 

The fourth step, was loosing more weight at any cost. 

It didn't matter how few calories I ate, 

or how many calories I burned, 

even if it meant getting rid of the "excess" calories/food fast

 the only way I knew how.

Which I did.
(I'm NOT doing that any more,
not to worry, I woke up and realized
how self destructive I had become
and put a stopper to it right away)

 

I am telling you all this 

because I think a lot of people think I am Miss Confident. 

I STILL get messages on how I did it, 

on how I lost weight and how I got so confident all of a sudden.

The truth is: 

I've just become a master at faking it. 

When I look in the mirror I still feel fat. 

I see my pudgy stomach.

I see my HUGE thighs. 

I see my round face. 

I see my saggy arms.

I see my double chin. 

I see my fat calves. 

I see my weird fore-arms.

I see my 

rolls, 

chunk,

jiggle, 

and fat, fat, fat!

I see all my flaws, 

both those that exist

and those that don't exist.

The point is

No matter who you are, 

what size you are, 

what weight you are, 

there will always be something you want to change about yourself. 

You know what that means? 

That girl, you know the one, 

the one who is perfect. 

When she looks in the mirror

she sees anything but perfection. 

I finally decided that the only way to raise my confidence

is to not only stop criticizing myself, 

but to stop criticizing people around me as well. 

I think we all do it, most of the time with out realizing it

The only way to be truly happy with yourself, 

and to recognize how beautiful you are

is to recognize how beautiful the world around you is. 

This life that we are given is truly wonderful

Why waist it hating the body you have?

Why not live what little time you have to the fullest 

Being proud of the way you look, 

and the way every one around you looks as well. 

If you have any ideas of how to improve confidence level 

PLEASE don't hesitate to comment them

God knows we can't have too many tips on the topic.

(This blog is in NO WAY a "poor me i feel fat" blog

I just felt like sharing how I was feeling today

and what I've been thinking about the past few days, 

It is a "lets all come together and embrace ourselves and our "flaws"' blog)