First of all let me just say that I'm sorry I've been MIA for so long
It was because all I could think about was how excited I was to be seeing my guy
I didn't want to bore you all with the same topic over and over
Second of all, if you don't feel like reading about my guy
reading about how hard it is to be apart from him
or about anything sappy/sad/cheesy then stop reading this.
no one is making you read this so if it bugs you you've only yourself to blame.
Jonathan left today.
I hate these days.
It hurts in a way that I don't even know how to explain.
It literally messes with your body
I've had non stop head ache all day.
I was naucious all morning
As was he.
My face hurts from crying
My nose is raw
My lips, of all things, are chapped.
It sucks to say the least.
The drive to the airport was the longest
yet fastest drive of my life
All I could think about
was how I can remember picking him up
like it was 2 minutes ago
when we got to the airport
it turned out his flight had been pushed back.
Now I had mixed feelings about this.
It means more time with him,
but it means more prolonged goodbye
The airport is awkward from the second we get there
you don't wanna get too comfortable with the person
just to have them taken away
so you get stuck in this awkward
"ready to say good bye at any moment"
thing which is incredibly draining.
Any way, after we checked him in
and checked his bag
(for free, at leas there are some good things about military life)
we went into the room thing
that SFO has for military and their family
it was nice and quiet, good place to take a nap
We had 30 minutes of relaxing before it was time to wait in the security line
I got to wait with him for a little while because it was so long
Once it got to the part where it goes all twisty it was time for me to leave.
and I lost it.
Now I don't know if any of you have honest to God sobbed,
but it hurts like hell.
You literally can't breathe,
your shoulders feel like they are going to fall off
and that spot on your nose/forehead between your eyes
starts pounding like some one is poking you over and over again
None of this is a pretty sight, not something you want to do in public
let alone when its the last time your guy is going to see you in person for a while.
But lucky me, I just stood there hugging him sobbing.
I don't remember anything other than trying to perfectly
ingrain how his hug felt into my mind.
Then he gave me one last squeeze and I was off
Barely able to see though the tears
I made it down one flight of stairs
before I jumped on the "up" escalator
and ran up them, (no idea how as I still couldn't see)
walked right up to him and said "I need one more"
and hugged him one last good long hug.
Then it was really time to let him go.
I wanted to stay and watch him but I couldn't do it.
So I forced myself to walk to the escalator
and kept my eye on him as long as possible.
When I got to my car I sobbed till I started crying cuz my body hurt so bad.
(I gotta tell ya, I love that I'm emotional
because it means I express love, and joy so big,
but when it comes to being sad,
being this emotional is a bitch)
One way or another I made it home
My good friend Aaron opted to babysit me for the day
So we went and saw Harry Potter
(just as good the 2nd time as the 1st)
Now I'm home, in my painfully empty room
Holding my bunny and writing this.
I try to be thankful that I even got to see him
But it's easier said than done.
"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold.
It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone
in exchange for a little time with the one they love.
It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it,
even if they don't see it nearly enough..."