Friday, July 22, 2011

Fat and ugly!!

Confidence is a funny thing. 
It is so easy to fake
But so hard to get. 

I have never been the most confident person
For a while I got pretty dang good a faking it
One of the easiest ways to fake it is to act like it doesn't bug you
like the fact that you're over weight and covered in zits with nasty hair
isn't a problem at all, in fact you make fun of it
You start to make fun of your huge belly or big ass
Because if you're willing to make fun of yourself 
You can't care that you look the way you do right?

In pictures I used to make my face ugly on purpose
(Case in point the picture posted above)
Because then when the picture turned out ugly 
I could tell myself it wasn't because I was ugly, 
but because I made the ugly face. 
I was so scared to try to make a pretty face
because I knew it would turn out ugly, 
and that meant that I was ugly even at my prettiest.

Now things have changed. 
my confidence has gone through the roof. 
A lot of that is thanks to Jonathan, 
who is constantly telling my how beautiful I am
But a lot of it is thanks to my weight loss. 
I am still not up to the perfect confidence 
I am so scared of gaining weight back
that I would rather get a serious life threatening injury 
than gain even 10 lbs. 
Yeah. not good. 

But at the same time I have never, until now, 
looked at myself and thought 
"dang! I look good!"
Which happens a few times a month now. 
This picture is one example of that, when I saw it
all I could think is "OMG I look so small!!"
I love it!!

While I do still have room to grow
and still need to build up my confidence
I am so excited and proud of the improvement.

No comments:

Post a Comment