Fat and ugly!!

Confidence is a funny thing. 

It is so easy to fake

But so hard to get. 

I have never been the most confident person

For a while I got pretty dang good a faking it

One of the easiest ways to fake it is to act like it doesn't bug you

like the fact that you're over weight and covered in zits with nasty hair

isn't a problem at all, in fact you make fun of it

You start to make fun of your huge belly or big ass

Because if you're willing to make fun of yourself 

You can't care that you look the way you do right?

 

In pictures I used to make my face ugly on purpose

(Case in point the picture posted above)

Because then when the picture turned out ugly 

I could tell myself it wasn't because I was ugly, 

but because I made the ugly face. 

I was so scared to try to make a pretty face

because I knew it would turn out ugly, 

and that meant that I was ugly even at my prettiest.

Now things have changed. 

my confidence has gone through the roof. 

A lot of that is thanks to Jonathan, 

who is constantly telling my how beautiful I am

But a lot of it is thanks to my weight loss. 

I am still not up to the perfect confidence 

I am so scared of gaining weight back

that I would rather get a serious life threatening injury 

than gain even 10 lbs. 

Yeah. not good. 

But at the same time I have never, until now, 

looked at myself and thought 

"dang! I look good!"

Which happens a few times a month now. 

This picture is one example of that, when I saw it

all I could think is "OMG I look so small!!"

I love it!!

 

While I do still have room to grow

and still need to build up my confidence

I am so excited and proud of the improvement.