Thursday, June 2, 2011

Do I Really Deserve All This??

I've been feeling more and more guilty lately. 
It drives me insane that I am keeping Curly from seeing his family. 
You can be sweet all you want and try to say "That's not true" 
But it is true, plain and simple
He is not going to see home or his family for at least 9 months total
And it is all because of me. 

That is the rough thing about not being from the same place as him.
I met him it was because he was stationed here, not because we're both from here.
That means he has to choose between me and his family. 

I'm not complaining, I am stoked that he chose me, 
Because it means I get to spend time with him,
without the military taking him away every weekday like it has for the last year
But I feel guilty too because it means he doesn't get to see 
his mom, dad, or sister most likely till Christmas
Which means by the time he sees his home, it will have been a year sense he'd been there last.

I don't know why but the last few weeks it's just been getting to me. 
Today it really got to me because my friend, 
who was trying to make me feel better about something else
said to me through text "Well at least he gets to go home soon." 
I know she didn't mean anything by it, 
but it was like a slap in the face. 
Because he could be going home soon if it weren't for me

Curly was really sweet when I expressed my guilt to him
He said that he signed up for this, 
and that I am his family now too. 
I just can't help but think how I would feel. 
I was going crazy dying to see my mom when she came up
and it had only been 4 months. 

I have to wonder, do I really deserve this?
Do I really deserve to have precious leave time 
spent on me rather than family, who have been by his side all his life. 
The answer is clear to me, no. I don't. I couldn't possibly. 
He seems to think so though. 

I'll just say this to his mom, dad, and sister
if you guys happen to read this, 
Thank you all so much. 
Thank you for sharing your son and brother with me, 
and for not hating me for taking him away from you.

On a lighter side just 4 weeks and 2 hours 
from the moment I'm typing this
I will be in the airport waiting for Curly to land ^_^
(pretty sure I just had a heart attack

(we got to skype while I was writing this! Yayyy!!!!)


  1. You guys are at that time in your life now where family becomes less of you crutch and you look to your friends and peers to help define you. He chose you because he wants you to be his future, not his family. They will always be there for him and you, but spending as much time with you as he can is really crucial right now because it will help build your relationship. Don't feel guilty. It's a fact of life that most people at this age fly the coop and their families have to learn to let go and stop nurturing them. Just imagine though, the little time that he will get to see his family (especially around holidays) will be even better and probably not stressful at all compared to other families who do get very stressed during those times of the year. If you really want to show your gratitude, reach out to his family. Start snail mailing them. I think you'll really like it, and I'm sure your boyfriend will appreciate you trying to connect with them.